When you say YES, are you really saying NO?

A guide to help you focus on your highest priorities and live the life you desire.

• Do you have a hard time saying no when people ask you for help? 
• Do you ever find yourself blowing off something that is important to you because you’re “helping” someone else? 
• Do your friends or family members ever get on your case because you didn’t follow through on something with them because you were “helping” someone else? 
• Do you ever find yourself frustrated with yourself after helping someone else because you know you’ve done so at the expense of your own health or happiness? 

If you’ve ever experienced any of these situations, it’s important that you recognize that you are not alone, but I also want you to know there is a better way!  There’s a way to help people without sacrificing your dreams, goals, and relationships to do it.  But it means you need to take matters into your own hands and be very intentional about how you live your life.  Now, before you get irritated and wonder who the heck I am to call you out like that, let me be crystal clear and super transparent here….I DON’T have it all figured out…yet!  But I am working on it every day and learning some things along the way that have proven to be very helpful for me, so I want to share them with you. 

“Every Yes is a No to something else”.

I’m sure you’ve heard that phrase before; you’ve probably even used it.  But are you living into what that really means for you and your life, and how deep that goes?  I think it’s time that we as a society take back our lives and start saying yes to the things in our life that really matter and will lead us to the results that we truly desire.  That doesn’t mean that a lot of things you say yes to aren’t important – they are, but maybe you’re not the one to say yes to them.  If you saying yes to something means that you have to say no to a commitment you made to someone you love, you won’t be able to work on your own dreams, or won’t lead you closer to your big dreams in life, you need to find the courage to speak up and say no.  And what I’ve found is that I don’t even need to find the courage to say no, I just have to stop saying the automatically programmed yes.  I am into personal development and listen to a lot of podcasts.  One recommendation I’ve heard over and over again to help you maintain boundaries with your time and energy is to automatically say no to every opportunity that comes your way, no matter what it is.  By saying no (even if it’s only to yourself), you are training yourself to protect your time and energy, and allow yourself the opportunity to run the opportunity through the lens of your values, goals, and commitments before you make any commitments.  Once you give yourself a bit of space to do that, you will have a clearer head, and be in a better position to make an informed decision about whether you should participate or not.  When you’ve been automatically conditioned to say yes, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and agree to jump right in, but then shortly after regret it because you realize that by saying yes to that thing, you’ve now said a no to something in your own life.  And that’s not what you want, right? 

Wanting to help others is a noble and worthy desire, but if you want to live your best life, and honor your commitments to yourself and those around you, being super intentional and mindful about saying yes to others will ultimately help you be better for everyone around you, even those you end up saying no to.  If you run ragged and spread yourself too thin, you aren’t good to anyone, especially yourself and those closest to you.

Like me, I’m sure you are barraged with requests and distractions on a regular basis, and without a plan, it can be extremely hard to stay on course, whether you’re talking about the next hour or the next year.  One thing that has really helped me is being very intentional about how I start and plan my day out EVERY day.  If I don’t have the most important things laid out, along with the amount of time I need to block off to do those things, I will get to the end of the day and find that, even though I was “busy” all day, I didn’t get my most important things done. 

Is your Jar full?

If you’ve read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey or you’ve been wading in the pool of personal development or small business management at all, you’ve probably heard the story about the professor and the glass jar of rocks. If not, here’s how it goes:

A professor walks into a classroom with a wide-mouthed jar and a set of big rocks, pebbles, sand and water. The professor then starts to pour the big rocks into the jar, one by one, filling the jar completely. He asks the students if the jar is full, and they all agree that it is. He then adds the pebbles, followed by the sand and finally the water. The professor asks the students again if the jar is full, and they all agree that it is.

The professor explains that the big rocks represent the important things in life, such as relationships, health, and career goals. If we don’t prioritize these things, we will never find time for them. The pebbles represent secondary things, but if you had to choose between them and the rocks, the rocks would always win. The sand represents the little things in life, things you have to do, but may not move the needle toward your big rock goals. Finally, the water represents the insignificant things in life that should get done, but the house won’t burn down if they don’t.

The professor concludes by saying that if you start by filling the jar with sand and water, there will be no room for the big rocks and pebbles. However, if you prioritize the big rocks and make sure they get into the jar first, you will find space for everything else as well. This story is an excellent reminder to prioritize the important things in life, instead of filling your time with distractions and insignificant tasks.

What are the rocks, pebbles, sand, and water in YOUR life?

Identifying your big rocks will help you say yes to the right things in your life, and ensure that the sand and water don’t take up all the room in the jar before you even get to your big rocks and pebbles. Setting your life up this way ensures that you will always make time for the most important things before you pour in the opportunities and demands from others that may not be in alignment with your big rocks. 

Practical tips on how to actually say YES and mean it.

There are tons of tips and recommendations out there, but I’m going to share the process that helps me stay focused on my big rocks every day. I’ve created a free guide called “How to Conquer The Lie of Busy” that outlines the system I currently use to keep myself on track each day. I want to live with intention and purpose and know that I am spending my days working towards the life I want, not one I am letting others suck me into.  And by the way, those others don’t have to be actual people – some of the biggest threats to your ability to stay focused and say yes to what really matters to you are things like social media and television.  Did you know that the average person spends 2 hours per day on social media and 2 to 3 hours watching television?  On the low end (and you know those numbers are probably too low), that’s 28 hours per week, or over 120 hours per month!  How much of YOUR time is spent mindlessly scrolling or watching TV?  How much more time could you be spending on your big rocks? Now I’m not against social media or TV – in fact, I spend a fair amount of time doing both myself, but when I find myself frustrated because I’m not getting the results I want in my life, or my time isn’t being spent furthering my own goals and dreams, I have to give myself a kick in the butt and get focused.  The method I’ve outlined in the guide has helped me do that, and I am confident it will help you if you give it a sincere effort. It’s not easy, but the more you do it, the easier it gets! 

Download the guide here: How to Conquer the Lie of “Busy”

I would love to hear YOUR tips for saying YES to the right things, and if you’ve got any particular topics you’d like me to focus on in future blogs, please let me know.  My mission is to use the knowledge and experience I’ve gained over the years to help you be more successful in business and in life, so let me know what you’d like to hear about.  I’m here for it!